Waiting To Board
Written on 29 June 2008 by Yee PeiYup, that’s what I’m doing right now. Sitting in heathrow airport, waiting to board. I think my MBP’s battery will run out before I am even due to board and I can’t seem to find a working electrical socket. I suppose I’ll find something near the boarding gate… but the question remains, WHICH GATE?? ARGH.
I hope I find something to plug my computer into before I board… ‘cos otherwise, I don’t be able to use it on the long (omg long) journey home, and that won’t be very fun, right?
Bliss
Written on 23 June 2008 by Yee PeiGot my new desk.
Life is good again. Yes. i am kind of sad that way.. :D
As Summer Nears
Written on 22 June 2008 by Yee PeiAlright, the sun has disappeared, the rain’s back again and over all, summer looks like it’s gone from Northern Ireland. The “summer” I’m referring to here is the summer holidays.
One more week to go before I sit for the last exam of the year, and prepare to head off home… there always this anxious feeling in me just before I go home. Strictly speaking, I’ve been away since Aug 2003 and am used to the freedom associated with staying out. I know that I have the common sense to look after myself and not do stupid things. But at home, I’m always the youngest one, the kid… Sometimes, it does get very frustrating.
Don’t get me wrong, I do look forward to going home, seeing Ma after such a long while will be great, and my friends and relatives too! It’ll be wonderful, I’m sure. As for Malaysian food, I’m not even going to go into that, because it’ll only make me start missing home even more.
:)
Tired
Written on 9 June 2008 by Yee PeiPart of me dread the coming of final year (and exams), but an even larger part of me can’t wait for 4th year to end. It has been an fun and exciting year… and also a very very long year. I’m tired… I need a break… I want a week when I will have proper and adequate sleep for the entire week… I want to go home! :(
Yes, it is the time of the year, when the end is almost here, but not here yet and I’m beginning to feel more and more restless. Argh.
In other news, I’ll be back in Malaysia from 30th June to 4th July, then from 5th Aug to late sept/early oct… so yeah. :) If anyone wants to meet up, let me know, ok? Heh.. (as if I’m very popular..haha).
Last Note
Written on 4 June 2008 by Yee PeiWe (her friends and family) made an agreement a year ago to take down her blog and more significantly, restrict who reads her very last post… I don’t think I have a right to put up the entire note but what was said to me, belongs to me and I’m putting it up here. In time to come, I may take a picture of the postcards and put them up to…
Dear Yee Pei,
You’ve been a wonderful friend. Please forgive my actions. You’re always been my encouragement, the angel on my shoulder. One of the very few forces that kept me going. Thanks for all you have done. I’m sorry I couldn’t wait till you come back and say good bye one last time. Tell your Ma, thanks for taking me in the few times I was over. I felt so at home.
—
Dear Val,
Thank you, babe… We didn’t know each other for a long time, but you were one of the closest friends I’ve ever had and always someone to depend on. I miss you, girl. There are so many things in my life now that I want to share with you, some of them, I know exactly how you will respond. I’ll be graduating in a year’s time, and I remember how we used to joke about MCs, now, it’ll never happen.
I can never understand why you chose this path and why you didn’t wait till I got back. But, babe, I doubt anyone will ever understand. I met your Ma when I went home last summer, and tried my best to give her a complete picture. Everyone seemed to think I will know why and how … but I didn’t. I suppose I disappointed them, but all I knew, I told them.
I miss you, girl… and I suppose I always will.
A year ago
Written on 3 June 2008 by Yee PeiThis time, a year ago, I was stressed up with 3rd year finals and was moving house at the same time… then I got the first of her SMSes, instructions to publish a blogpost, her last message to her family and friends. I still remember how I felt then…
“What??? What’s that silly girl up to?? OMG. She can’t be for real. No. She can’t be. It’s just one of her odd calls for help! She won’t do it for real”
I called her, and called her, AND called her somemore, she didn’t pick up the phone. And I smsed her… and her replies scared me even more. I was in tears and at a loss… I got in contact with J, neither of us could figure out where she was. Fei got me on the phone, and when I told him about the 2nd msg, he could guess right away where she is. He found her, but too late… Till this day, I hate myself for not having contacted him earlier. I should have!!! What was I thinking??? He lives the closest to her, he grew up with her, of course he’d have known where she was when she said she was 30 floors up!!!
I remember being on the phone with Paul when he was at Vista. I remember talking to Nick and Fei as they were crying. I remember the countless phonecalls I made to our group of friends. I remember not being able to say goodbye properly. I remember hearing her songlist being played in the background when I spoke to friends at her wake.
A year on, I still cannot understand fully why she did it. I miss her… a lot… I can’t read her postcards anymore! I need her to come back, where is she???
Phase 5 Coming Up
Written on 29 May 2008 by Yee PeiWe had a 3 hours long briefing session for final year yesterday afternoon, and I think I have no choice but to accept that in less than a month’s time, I will be a final year medical student and that is how I will be introducing myself to patients. Not 1st, not 2nd, not 3rd or even 4th… final. *gulp* As of now, we also have the exam time table for Final MB I and know the week when we’ll be sitting for Final MB II. I cannot imagine myself prepared enough to be sitting for those papers, nor do I want to imagine what failing them will mean. This is absolutely horrible.
4th year has been a lot of fun so far, more comfortable than 3rd year because most of us now feel more “at home” on the wards, less stressful than final year because of obvious reasons. Sigh… I’ll miss this feeling, I think.
You know, I really should start studying…
House Moving
Written on 27 May 2008 by Yee PeiI’m moving house this week and the amount of stuff I have is quite ridiculous, I must say. I thought I had loads when I moved out of Guthrie last year, but now, uhhhh… uhhmm…. that seems very little. I definitely need to look through my shoes and clothes and sent a bag (or two?) off to Oxfam. I have stuff that I don’t wear for various reasons and it is just stupid to have them sitting around.
Apart from the fuss, there is something else that I will always associate with house moving. Just over a week from today was the day I moved last year, it was also the day I received some of the most upsetting SMSes I had ever received. Moving house makes me think of Val, a lot. Come next Wednesday, it will be a year since she left. Sigh…
Ok, this is getting entirely out of hand, I should stop. Yeah. STOP.
Congratulations
Written on 24 May 2008 by Yee PeiThis post is dedicated to Dr. S. Y. Khoo, otherwise known as Caryn. Yes, notice her new title? Woohoo!!! The girl graduated yesterday!
Babe, you’ve worked so hard, crossed so many hurdles, to get to where you are today. I think it takes a definite amount of strength to deal with the issues you had to sort out and still be able to achieve academic excellence. I’m so proud of you and very very happy for you too! Congratulations!!!
Caryn must be one of the most caring and most genuine friend I know. I’m not great at keeping in contact with friends, and we could very easily have drifted apart when she left for Canada and i came to UK. But somehow, I know that till this day, we’ll be able to chat like the good old days… and I look forward to the day when we can sit at a mamak at home and have nasi lemak ayam together.
–
Now, for the grumbly bitchy bit… “Aaarrgghhh!!! The Dal people have graduated, the Aberdeen and Dundee ones are graduating this summer, the sban ones are graduating in Aug, the Aussie ones are graduating at the end of the year, and I won’t be going anywhere till July 09!!!”
Last Bit Of Forth Year
Written on 23 May 2008 by Yee PeiIt’s been quite a while since the last update and I have certainly been ignoring my blog more and more these days. I’m in the middle of my last module, Perioperative & Emergency Medicine (POEM) and the fact that final year is looming ahead is starting to become more and more real. *gulp*
Enough of scaring myself, more about POEM… It’s a sort of 3-in-1 module, with 2 weeks in Anaesthetics, A&E and Fractures each (and 2 weeks of lectures). I just finished Anaesthetics and am due to start A&E on Monday Tuesday. Cannulas, LMAs, intubation… a whole lot of fun so far. Just didn’t like the sitting around very much… The anesthetists either take that time to ask loads of questions or ignore you totally and work on their crossword/magazine/book. I don’t know which one I dislike more, feel very silly or be bored. Heh… Got the hang of it towards the end though, “the white stuff, the clear stuff and the gas!!” ;) LOL. I couldn’t possibly take out my Palm and play bejewelled on it (it just felt wrong, nevermind that he’s doing crosswords), and kept being sent to “take a break, have a cup of tea”. Honestly though, i think i like anaesthetics, and it is one of those things that just uhmm… makes sense.
It’s altogether a good 2 weeks, I managed to get the required stuff done in the first week and could spend time seeing interesting surgeries and taking time off to run various errands this week. Yippee!! ;)
Now, on to A&E and the dilemma of “it’s bank holiday Monday, should I go in???”
Trust
Written on 14 May 2008 by Yee PeiDon’t you hate it when things fall short of expectations? Hmm… I do.
Well, this is especially so when it comes to the issue of trust. I am generally a trusting person when it comes to my friends. It is terribly easy to get me to trust a friend, though once that trust is lost, it is gone. I expect my friends not to lie to me, even what may be seen as a cruel and frank “no, go away, don’t want to hang out with you” is better than a lie. I believe that lies means “you’re too immature and weak to handle the truth and you’re too stupid to ever discover the truth anyway”, and that undermining sucks.
I have been telling myself that the only person I can trust, is me… and not to expect too much from others. I need to find a hole and hide in it. BAH. Don’t mind me, this is a rant, a much much overdue one.
Freaking Out
Written on 6 May 2008 by Yee PeiWhy? You ask… Right… here goes…
1. January is 8 months away — Final MB Part 1 is 8 months away
2. Final years have finish their exams and have started on their work shadowing — Guess what I’ll be doing a year from now?
3. Attended a talk earlier today (? yesterday) on foundation jobs application (read: housemanship).
Yes, I am officially F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G O-U-T!!!
